Sometimes it’s just too overwhelming.
I thought I was adjusting okay but really in all honesty- I’m tired of not knowing where anything is, I’m sick of being stressed out at the thought of being lost, and I’m constantly trying to not let my mom down by trying to fit the image of an obedient and proper daughter in law.
So yeah- I just couldn't keep the cap on the bottle anymore, and the tears ran hotly and uncontrollably down my face. I shuddered a lot and wheezed a little bit, while sniffling back the nasal discharge that always comes with weeping. I'd been feeling downtrodden and depressed all day yesterday up to this morning, and those feelings culminated with a teary outburst the likes of which I haven't experienced since. . ..well my father died- which is something I don’t even like thinking about.
That realization made me cry harder.
I was consoled by S who always supports me in all my crazy ideas I come up as a result of an EMO rage and then the logical lil J who supports me by giving me the most reasonable advice. And for that I’m forever grateful that I am blessed with soul sisters.
I miss my family, I miss my friends and I miss my dog, and yeah like a brat I want to go home. I want a sense of security and the serenity of familiarity.
I'm not asking for much. I'm not even asking for anything at all, since such an asking would require a belief in a deity, which I currently lack.
My adult life thus far has been centered on non-conformity and abnormality, but I crave normalcy now like nothing else I've ever known. Ironic isn’t it?
Must think happy thoughts.
I think I’m allowed a couple of emotional outbursts when I’m pregnant.
