new beginnings.

As the end of the 2011 draws near, I have decided to return to my old blogspot- down the bunnie hole- because blogging and writing has always been apart of me- pre-married pre-mommy life- ME! It's important to hold onto your identity as life is constantly changing- roles are constantly changing. And it's actually comforting to find that my "spot" has been waiting every so faithfully while I have strayed off to experiment with tumblr and other forms of social media.

Seems that the majority of tumblr users just repost pictures of clever words or images of food to which isn't even their own and that is not my goal.

My goal is to fill up my blog with brilliant (well at least try to be) and entertaining words which I refer to "bunniesims". I have decided that I will keep my tumblr strictly for my foodie conquests and the other one documenting Dyl's growing up as well.

But this spot is gonna be just ME.

Cheers to new beginnings in the blog world!
xoxo B

double ouch

Is it possible to burn your hand while washing your hands?
Apparently, yes.
Is it possible to cut your finger while opening a cabinet?
Again, yes.

I deserve a medal. . .accomplishing the impossible.

tumblin for food

I made a tumblr today-strictly for sharing my cooking and foodie adventures. I will still be posting on this blog- the ranting and random quips from my bunnie brain.

To think, I used to get by eating one meal a day and loads of candy. I always enjoyed cooking- but cooking for other people. I was always starving myself trying to maintain a certain weight but mainly I just didn't have time to eat. Pregnancy seriously converted me into a foodie- but a healthy one at that! I'm crazy about organic produce, fresh farm produce, grass-fed, and free-range meat!

Anyways, here is the link. Follow me if you please.
http://bunniehole.tumblr.com/

i am cured!

I used to get so overwhelmed with stress and work that I would get terrible panic attacks. Like everythingisspinningandisonebigblurandicantbreathe!!! panic attacks.
The cure to my panic attacks in the past were lots of cigarettes, caffeine, hard liqour, and an occasional zanie as needed.

The strange thing is . . .I think I am cured.
The remedy? Becoming a mother.

Bo Luc Lac (Vietnamese Beef)

I have accepted the sad fact that there aren't Saigon Cafes or Pho places (shout out to pho dài Loi and pho bac) here in CT at every corner like in Atlanta, so I resorted to google and researched Bo Luc Lac to satisfy my recent craving :) So here is my take on Bo Luc Lac (Vietnamese Beef). I used Grass Fed Organic Beef and all organic fresh ingredients because that is my preference but it is completely optional. The one good thing about CT is the access to fresh and organic produce for not that much more money-wise.

This recipe was plenty enough for 2 people- the hubby eats about 2 person portion so technically 3 people could probably work.

INGREDIENTS:
Beef Marinade
1.5 lbs beef filet (or any cut you like) cut into 1″ cubes
2 tbs minced garlic
1 sweet onion diced into 1" pieces
1 tbs sugar
2 tbs oyster sauce
1 tbs fish sauce
1 tbs sesame oil
1 tsp thick soy sauce
Fresh ground black pepper as desired
Garlic powder as needed

2 bunches of spring mix salad
1 Tomatoe thinly sliced
1 Cucumber thinly sliced
1 Scallion thinly diced for garnish
1/2 Red onion thinly sliced for garnish
2 Eggs
Sesame Seeds for garnish

Jasmine or Yellow Rice Steamed
Cooking oil for frying- I use olive oil but again it's optional what type of oil you want to use

STEPS:
Prepare marinade by combining garlic, oyster sauce, sugar, diced sweet onion, fish sauce, thick soy sauce and sesame oil to coat the beef sprinkle freshly ground black pepper and a dash of garlic powder n let it marinate at least half an hour but preferably 1-2 hrs in the fridge. I had time so I let it marinate for 1 and 30 minutes and it was delicious.

Prepare jasmine or yellow rice per package directions. I just prepared jasmine rice in the rice cooker.

Thinly slice the tomatoe, cucumber, and red onion. Prepare a bed of spring mix salad w sliced tomatoes, cucumber, and red onion on the side on a serving platter and set aside.

Heat a large wok or pan over high heat. Add about 2 tbs cooking oil and when it begins to smoke, add an even layer of beef and allow to sear for about 2 minutes, before “shaking” to sear the opposite sides for about another 1-2 minute more to brown all the sides. Do this in batches to cook all the beef if necessary.
Transfer beef to bed of spring salad and tomatoes. You can drizzle fish sauce vinaigrette if desired over the beef and greens.

My friend Donna has a great fish sauce recipe here you could use along with spring summer roll.

Serve with steamed rice with a fried egg on top garnished w sesame seeds and green onion.

I like to dip the meat in a sauce mixture of hoison sauce with siracha and hot garlic chili sauce.

Enjoy!

NOTE:

I like my beef medium rare and test the meat by touch and sight–it will plump up slightly and be bouncy to the touch with a spatula.


-- Post From My iPhone

Confession

I feel like a terrible person confessing this but. . . I lost my appetite watching a severly handicapped person attempt to eat jajamyun today in NY. His body was contorted like a pretzel and he was shaking uncontrollably. He was seated at the table next to us and of course he was facing me. I tried not to look at him but i felt his piercing eyes staring at me. I felt so uncomfortable because he was only staring at me the whole time as if I was the unusual one! I then realized what he was really staring at. . . my bewbs.
Either way, I felt guilty for losing my appetite but I couldn't bear to eat my jajamyun after watching him slaughter his bowl with his contorted pretzel body.
What a waste of a delicious bowl of jamg jamg myun.

-- Post From My iPhone

Shivers Sweat N Sex

Shivering cold one minute and drenched in sweat the next, with energy level at absolute low, no appetite, and a sore throat. . .this is how I have been the past 3 days and counting *sigh*

Day 1: Being the closet OCD paranoid germaphobe I am, my mind was racing through a million of images of my innocent sanitized hands in contact with strangers and things I like to classify as germ carriers. . .which are things people touch one after another after another ie money, door handles, shopping carts etc. After dozing off and on all day I decide that it must have been when I touched some change and then noticed a hang nail on my thumb which I bit off- yup direct germs in the mouth! I can't even pick up my baby and change his diaper- or even just hold him- I can't even begin to describe how shitty this feels- but it made me really see how much the hunnie loves me and Dylan. He was basically "single dad" superman all day because I was absolutely useless. Oh yea and did I mention HE made me homemade chicken noodle soup? For a guy who can't cook anything but namyun-which by the way is the most PERFECTLY cooked namyun- this meant the world to me.

Day 2: A good friend of mine, Marie, introduces the idea of mastitis as the possible cause of my torment. What do I do? I immediately google and research 1- What it is and 2- What am I supposed to do all in a total bunnie-esque feverish frenzy. I nearly have a panic attack calling the doctor that I blurt out in one words vomit "UmmmIthinkihavemastitisanditskindaurgent"
Oh I failed to mention that I totally mispronounced mastitis but I did manage to book an appointment for the next day. Being a newbie mom- you learn all sorts of shit - like wth mastitis is!!

Day 3: Hunnie takes me to the doctor and they diagnose me. And bada bing! It's not mastitis! Hallejuah! It's a severe cold/flu though that requires rest and careful care in order for me to be okay by my flight date. I'm kind of bummed bc it's looking like brunch Sunday in NYC with my soul sista and best friend is a no go for now. I guess my inital wave of paranoid thoughts were right! However, I have to be careful and take preventative measures to avoid mastitis because the doctor observed my nipples were sore. I wanted to say "ummmm I know this is why I thought I had mastitis sheesh" but yes my nipples were pretty sore from Dylan's clamp and pull on Sunday night. I think he was dissappointed that his daddy's favorite team which is ultimately his favorite team - the Jets- blew their chance at the Superbowl bc he did this after the game.

I felt so incredibly guilty for being unable to take care of Dylan the way I normally do that I inisisted we had to purchase a new toy for him after my doctors appointment. So BAM my baby gets a new exersaucer which he loves!


He's not spoiled okay well maybe he is but hey give me a break who wouldn't spoil such a dollface?! This is him looking at me when I'm sick in bed. Doesn't this look just tugs at your heart and wills you to buy him something at once?!

Sometimes I think Dylan looks like a girl baby bc of his curly hair and pouty lips which he totally mini me-d of me. . .

Off to cold medicine induced sleep I go!

PS-AND sex totally cures those body aches you get from fevers :X but it has to be really orgasmic sex.

What a lucky lucky girl I am.


-- Post From My iPhone

Christmas nostaglic thoughts

Reflecting on memories of Christmas past today. I just got a sudden wave of nostaglic feelings as I dressed my baby in his Santa suit determined to make his first Christmas complete with a picture with Santa Claus which by the way didn't happen due to a ridiculous long line to which was already cut off :( side note: I shall attempt again tomorrow!
My Christmases growing up were happy ones because that was the only time my parents didn't fight. Now that i'm older and wiser I think it was because they were too busy combining forces to make our Christmas wishes come true that they didn't have time to fight or argue.
I always got EXACTLY what I wanted and I never gave it any thought to how hard my parents worked to fulfill this for my brother and me. I guess I felt entitled or in other words just plain spoiled. I am ashamed to admit that I had this mentality all the way through college. It wasn't until my father passed away at the young age of 50 about 5 years ago in Feburary that I realized how much I appreciated and loved my father for spoiling me not just on Christmas but throughout my life.
Now that I have a child of my own I realize it's not easy balancing what you can do to provide for your child and what you want to provide. I think I'm already inclined to spoiling him but I'd rather get my beautiful boy whatever he wants before I eye myself a new designer bag- the sacrifices come natural once you become a parent I suppose.




*Random Christmas Memory: Me wrapping presents and writing calligraphy cards out for my father's business contacts. My artistic skills came I
handy and my father was always so proud at how nice my calligraphy was and we would drink coffee afterwards. My mom always praised my gift wrapping skills.


-- Post From My iPhone

What's so great about snow??

Okay so my fascination with snow is OVER after tonite! HMPH!!!!!

Growing up in the South, a few flurries of snow*which I have recently learned wasn't even real snow meant it's insane to even think of the possibility of driving somewhere and that more than likely everything is CLOSED!

It is soooo different here, inches and inches of white fluffy snow doesn't mean anything to these people here! People drive around trudging through the snow as if it's no big deal. . .I tried to be one of these people today and failed miserably. We drove straight into blizzard conditions and couldn't see a thing through the snow coming down relentlessly. Our plans to go to New York were reversed and we had to turn around half way- especially with poor Dylan crying. He is usually good in the car and can withstand being in a car ride for 2 hours straight. . .but with the horrific road conditions we were seriously going 30 miles and hour and he just couldn't stand it and frankly it was scary watching cars slide around with their emergency lights on.



What's so great about snow anyways? Snow is just rain that has frozen into a puff of white showing us just how freaking ice cold it is! To all my friends back home in the South complaining of it being cold-shaddup with your 30 degrees cuz my oh my the weatherman says its feels like 7 degrees tonite here!!!

the cold makes me grouchy



frozen bunnie oba and out!

Dry them tears. . .

Sometimes it’s just too overwhelming.
I thought I was adjusting okay but really in all honesty- I’m tired of not knowing where anything is, I’m sick of being stressed out at the thought of being lost, and I’m constantly trying to not let my mom down by trying to fit the image of an obedient and proper daughter in law.
So yeah- I just couldn't keep the cap on the bottle anymore, and the tears ran hotly and uncontrollably down my face. I shuddered a lot and wheezed a little bit, while sniffling back the nasal discharge that always comes with weeping. I'd been feeling downtrodden and depressed all day yesterday up to this morning, and those feelings culminated with a teary outburst the likes of which I haven't experienced since. . ..well my father died- which is something I don’t even like thinking about.
That realization made me cry harder.
I was consoled by S who always supports me in all my crazy ideas I come up as a result of an EMO rage and then the logical lil J who supports me by giving me the most reasonable advice. And for that I’m forever grateful that I am blessed with soul sisters.
I miss my family, I miss my friends and I miss my dog, and yeah like a brat I want to go home. I want a sense of security and the serenity of familiarity.
I'm not asking for much. I'm not even asking for anything at all, since such an asking would require a belief in a deity, which I currently lack.
My adult life thus far has been centered on non-conformity and abnormality, but I crave normalcy now like nothing else I've ever known. Ironic isn’t it?
Must think happy thoughts.
I think I’m allowed a couple of emotional outbursts when I’m pregnant.

Holy Dyslexic Klutz and Other Developments

It’s not the most convenient thing to be nearly 6 months pregnant and settle in from a big move.

My attempts to unpack and organize things-considering how my center of balance is so off centered- are futile and I love my hunnie so much for doing everything.

Alas, I have become a total dyslexic klutz. I have recently been spilling things, breaking things, dropping things, tripping, forgetting things, confusing numbers, mixing up digits and letters- my baby genius brain has been clouded by hormones and who knows what else.

I’m not used to having all the weight on me- I constantly miscalculate and judge how much space I need to get through because of the baby bump. Now my poor little feet are unable to sustain the baby bump and weight – I had to alas give up my precious high heels finally.
Good bye heels- hello Crocs *barf*.

I set aside my detest and purchased 2 pairs of Crocs- but at least they are the ballerina flat looking ones instead of the hideous elf –like clogs. I refuse to pay full price for something so ugly- so went to the outlet and got them. I guess all the recommendations are true- they do feel so much better and stable for my pregnant feet .

One positive thing of showing now is that people are SOOOO nice to you when you’re pregnant. They let you cut in line and let you have things your way-like ALL the time. However, I did notice that Korean people are so freaking rude in NY in regards to how they treat pregnant women. This ajushi straight up blew smoke in my face as I walked out of this store! Wtf! Then when we went to go eat at Korean restaurant, the Korean ajuma waitress was rude too just because I asked her to re-wipe the damn chair.
My glucose test came back perfectly fine- but it looks like Dylan wants me to eat more iron. The nurse called me and told me that I have an iron deficiency in my recent blood work so I have to take iron supplements along with my prenatal vitamins. I think it’s really important to be on a good diet BEFORE you get pregnant because before I got pregnant I had such poor diet of not eating but one meal a day and getting through the days with cigs, coffee, energy drinks and candy. This led to me have really awful morning sickness in my first trimester and all sorts of stomach turmoil because my body wasn’t used to eating so much food.

My friend Cindy suggested I take pics of my baby bump to document changes. . .I retorted "Why would I wanna document fatness?" LOL.

Dylan has been kicking and moving around alot more. The last time I had my ultrasound- the ultrasound technician and nurse both said an active baby is very healthy so I am relieved. It's the most o-mazing feeling to actually feel him kick, tumble and elbow me. He's pretty strong because sometimes I will be in the middle of doing something and he will kick me really hard. To think there is a little mini-me/ danny oppa curled up inside me doing things is so weird. According to my Pregnancy & Childbirth book Dylan is approximately 15 inches long and and a little over 2 lbs at 28 weeks old!

hello glucose. goodbye clubwhore du jour clothes and my guys collection!

Maybe I am just weird- considering everyone I asked told me that the glucose drink tastes good or like candy, but the glucose drink I had to chug down for my gestational diabetes test was absolutely disgusting! It wasn't so much the actual taste but the consistency that really grossed me out- it was so damn thick and it went down all slow. I'm really picky about texture and consistency when it comes to anything I have to put in my mouth. I think the baby didn't like it very much either because he kicked/elbowed me.

Anyways, I carefully read the directions for the glucose drink a million times because I didn't want to mess up the test and as a result have blood taken out again. You can't eat anything prior to the test and you have to drink that nasty thing within 5 minutes and 30 minutes before your appointment and then you have to get blood taken out exactly within 1 one hour or else you have to do it ALL over again. I absolutely hate having blood taken out because I have really sensitive skin and the aftermath bruise looks like I'm one of those spun out herion addicts! I felt so tired after the vials of blood they took and I literally passed out when I got home waking up to thunderstorms at night.

My conclusion: I don't think I would make a very good fang banger. That's what they call people who fuck vampires and let them feast on them and drain juuuuuust enough blood. . .yes its real because True Blood is real.

Back to sorting and packing and GAH throwing away (aka donating) club whore du jour clothes and other boys clothes I "borrowed". . .

Mom: WHAT IS THIS? HOW DO YOU WEAR THIS?
Me: Uhhh I dunno. You wear those kinda things to the club. That's really old anyways its from like freshman year in college. I don't wear those kind of things anymore umma! I like Blair Waldorf style seeeeeee.
Mom: Throw it away NOW! THROW IT ALL AWAY!
Me: *SOB*

Brother: Why do you have so many guy's tshirts, shirts, jackets and hats mixed in?
Me: Guys let me borrow em and stuff like after the club. . .you know.
Brother: UHHH *disgusted look* you need to throw this shit away.
Me: Ok Geez.

Retiring Days and Nights of Play

Who would have thought that I would finally retire my days and nights of play where I spun drinking debauchery in the midst of clubbing and bar hopping? Going clubbing/drinking every night was beginning to get old and tiresome. I was beginning to prefer nights with the boyfriend or close friends versus club du jour life- GASP- I never even thought that would be possible! Any new hipster club/bar imaginable- I went and pranced around in VIP and took a gazillion million pictures- because -yeah yeah yeah-I am a photo/video whore du jour.

Drinking and dancing the night away was my way of avoiding stress- the stress of growing up. And it wasn't my fault I could out-drink YOU YOU and YOU. . .its the irish blood in me GAH.

How ironic to think that when I was younger, I just couldn't wait to grow up. I was always wondering if I would be as pretty as my mother when I grow up or independent as my aunt or gangster as my father. . .

I couldn't wait to leave home, to have my next birthday, to finish school. The idea of being free to be myself was like this great shining star in front of me, and I wanted to hurry up the process and gain it for myself. And now, that star is in my grasp. . .

And it’s not as grandeur as I expected. Growing up comes responsibilities and decisions. . . And I’m not even completely sure if I am satisfied with this GROWN up version of me.

In all honesty, I don't want to grow up. I'm scared shitless of growing up and moving away into a world that doesn't HAVE to love me, that won't pick me up when I fall. But when you have another human being growing inside of you- completely relying on you . . . it gives you a new perspective on things.

You start having to think about what’s best for the baby and not just you.

THAT is the reason why I agreed with the decision to move away from Atlanta- my home-where all my dear friends, family and memories reside.

And that is what I have done. . . Made a grown up decision- and now I shall anticipate the future.