Christmas nostaglic thoughts

Reflecting on memories of Christmas past today. I just got a sudden wave of nostaglic feelings as I dressed my baby in his Santa suit determined to make his first Christmas complete with a picture with Santa Claus which by the way didn't happen due to a ridiculous long line to which was already cut off :( side note: I shall attempt again tomorrow!
My Christmases growing up were happy ones because that was the only time my parents didn't fight. Now that i'm older and wiser I think it was because they were too busy combining forces to make our Christmas wishes come true that they didn't have time to fight or argue.
I always got EXACTLY what I wanted and I never gave it any thought to how hard my parents worked to fulfill this for my brother and me. I guess I felt entitled or in other words just plain spoiled. I am ashamed to admit that I had this mentality all the way through college. It wasn't until my father passed away at the young age of 50 about 5 years ago in Feburary that I realized how much I appreciated and loved my father for spoiling me not just on Christmas but throughout my life.
Now that I have a child of my own I realize it's not easy balancing what you can do to provide for your child and what you want to provide. I think I'm already inclined to spoiling him but I'd rather get my beautiful boy whatever he wants before I eye myself a new designer bag- the sacrifices come natural once you become a parent I suppose.




*Random Christmas Memory: Me wrapping presents and writing calligraphy cards out for my father's business contacts. My artistic skills came I
handy and my father was always so proud at how nice my calligraphy was and we would drink coffee afterwards. My mom always praised my gift wrapping skills.


-- Post From My iPhone

What's so great about snow??

Okay so my fascination with snow is OVER after tonite! HMPH!!!!!

Growing up in the South, a few flurries of snow*which I have recently learned wasn't even real snow meant it's insane to even think of the possibility of driving somewhere and that more than likely everything is CLOSED!

It is soooo different here, inches and inches of white fluffy snow doesn't mean anything to these people here! People drive around trudging through the snow as if it's no big deal. . .I tried to be one of these people today and failed miserably. We drove straight into blizzard conditions and couldn't see a thing through the snow coming down relentlessly. Our plans to go to New York were reversed and we had to turn around half way- especially with poor Dylan crying. He is usually good in the car and can withstand being in a car ride for 2 hours straight. . .but with the horrific road conditions we were seriously going 30 miles and hour and he just couldn't stand it and frankly it was scary watching cars slide around with their emergency lights on.



What's so great about snow anyways? Snow is just rain that has frozen into a puff of white showing us just how freaking ice cold it is! To all my friends back home in the South complaining of it being cold-shaddup with your 30 degrees cuz my oh my the weatherman says its feels like 7 degrees tonite here!!!

the cold makes me grouchy



frozen bunnie oba and out!

Dry them tears. . .

Sometimes it’s just too overwhelming.
I thought I was adjusting okay but really in all honesty- I’m tired of not knowing where anything is, I’m sick of being stressed out at the thought of being lost, and I’m constantly trying to not let my mom down by trying to fit the image of an obedient and proper daughter in law.
So yeah- I just couldn't keep the cap on the bottle anymore, and the tears ran hotly and uncontrollably down my face. I shuddered a lot and wheezed a little bit, while sniffling back the nasal discharge that always comes with weeping. I'd been feeling downtrodden and depressed all day yesterday up to this morning, and those feelings culminated with a teary outburst the likes of which I haven't experienced since. . ..well my father died- which is something I don’t even like thinking about.
That realization made me cry harder.
I was consoled by S who always supports me in all my crazy ideas I come up as a result of an EMO rage and then the logical lil J who supports me by giving me the most reasonable advice. And for that I’m forever grateful that I am blessed with soul sisters.
I miss my family, I miss my friends and I miss my dog, and yeah like a brat I want to go home. I want a sense of security and the serenity of familiarity.
I'm not asking for much. I'm not even asking for anything at all, since such an asking would require a belief in a deity, which I currently lack.
My adult life thus far has been centered on non-conformity and abnormality, but I crave normalcy now like nothing else I've ever known. Ironic isn’t it?
Must think happy thoughts.
I think I’m allowed a couple of emotional outbursts when I’m pregnant.

Holy Dyslexic Klutz and Other Developments

It’s not the most convenient thing to be nearly 6 months pregnant and settle in from a big move.

My attempts to unpack and organize things-considering how my center of balance is so off centered- are futile and I love my hunnie so much for doing everything.

Alas, I have become a total dyslexic klutz. I have recently been spilling things, breaking things, dropping things, tripping, forgetting things, confusing numbers, mixing up digits and letters- my baby genius brain has been clouded by hormones and who knows what else.

I’m not used to having all the weight on me- I constantly miscalculate and judge how much space I need to get through because of the baby bump. Now my poor little feet are unable to sustain the baby bump and weight – I had to alas give up my precious high heels finally.
Good bye heels- hello Crocs *barf*.

I set aside my detest and purchased 2 pairs of Crocs- but at least they are the ballerina flat looking ones instead of the hideous elf –like clogs. I refuse to pay full price for something so ugly- so went to the outlet and got them. I guess all the recommendations are true- they do feel so much better and stable for my pregnant feet .

One positive thing of showing now is that people are SOOOO nice to you when you’re pregnant. They let you cut in line and let you have things your way-like ALL the time. However, I did notice that Korean people are so freaking rude in NY in regards to how they treat pregnant women. This ajushi straight up blew smoke in my face as I walked out of this store! Wtf! Then when we went to go eat at Korean restaurant, the Korean ajuma waitress was rude too just because I asked her to re-wipe the damn chair.
My glucose test came back perfectly fine- but it looks like Dylan wants me to eat more iron. The nurse called me and told me that I have an iron deficiency in my recent blood work so I have to take iron supplements along with my prenatal vitamins. I think it’s really important to be on a good diet BEFORE you get pregnant because before I got pregnant I had such poor diet of not eating but one meal a day and getting through the days with cigs, coffee, energy drinks and candy. This led to me have really awful morning sickness in my first trimester and all sorts of stomach turmoil because my body wasn’t used to eating so much food.

My friend Cindy suggested I take pics of my baby bump to document changes. . .I retorted "Why would I wanna document fatness?" LOL.

Dylan has been kicking and moving around alot more. The last time I had my ultrasound- the ultrasound technician and nurse both said an active baby is very healthy so I am relieved. It's the most o-mazing feeling to actually feel him kick, tumble and elbow me. He's pretty strong because sometimes I will be in the middle of doing something and he will kick me really hard. To think there is a little mini-me/ danny oppa curled up inside me doing things is so weird. According to my Pregnancy & Childbirth book Dylan is approximately 15 inches long and and a little over 2 lbs at 28 weeks old!

hello glucose. goodbye clubwhore du jour clothes and my guys collection!

Maybe I am just weird- considering everyone I asked told me that the glucose drink tastes good or like candy, but the glucose drink I had to chug down for my gestational diabetes test was absolutely disgusting! It wasn't so much the actual taste but the consistency that really grossed me out- it was so damn thick and it went down all slow. I'm really picky about texture and consistency when it comes to anything I have to put in my mouth. I think the baby didn't like it very much either because he kicked/elbowed me.

Anyways, I carefully read the directions for the glucose drink a million times because I didn't want to mess up the test and as a result have blood taken out again. You can't eat anything prior to the test and you have to drink that nasty thing within 5 minutes and 30 minutes before your appointment and then you have to get blood taken out exactly within 1 one hour or else you have to do it ALL over again. I absolutely hate having blood taken out because I have really sensitive skin and the aftermath bruise looks like I'm one of those spun out herion addicts! I felt so tired after the vials of blood they took and I literally passed out when I got home waking up to thunderstorms at night.

My conclusion: I don't think I would make a very good fang banger. That's what they call people who fuck vampires and let them feast on them and drain juuuuuust enough blood. . .yes its real because True Blood is real.

Back to sorting and packing and GAH throwing away (aka donating) club whore du jour clothes and other boys clothes I "borrowed". . .

Mom: WHAT IS THIS? HOW DO YOU WEAR THIS?
Me: Uhhh I dunno. You wear those kinda things to the club. That's really old anyways its from like freshman year in college. I don't wear those kind of things anymore umma! I like Blair Waldorf style seeeeeee.
Mom: Throw it away NOW! THROW IT ALL AWAY!
Me: *SOB*

Brother: Why do you have so many guy's tshirts, shirts, jackets and hats mixed in?
Me: Guys let me borrow em and stuff like after the club. . .you know.
Brother: UHHH *disgusted look* you need to throw this shit away.
Me: Ok Geez.

Retiring Days and Nights of Play

Who would have thought that I would finally retire my days and nights of play where I spun drinking debauchery in the midst of clubbing and bar hopping? Going clubbing/drinking every night was beginning to get old and tiresome. I was beginning to prefer nights with the boyfriend or close friends versus club du jour life- GASP- I never even thought that would be possible! Any new hipster club/bar imaginable- I went and pranced around in VIP and took a gazillion million pictures- because -yeah yeah yeah-I am a photo/video whore du jour.

Drinking and dancing the night away was my way of avoiding stress- the stress of growing up. And it wasn't my fault I could out-drink YOU YOU and YOU. . .its the irish blood in me GAH.

How ironic to think that when I was younger, I just couldn't wait to grow up. I was always wondering if I would be as pretty as my mother when I grow up or independent as my aunt or gangster as my father. . .

I couldn't wait to leave home, to have my next birthday, to finish school. The idea of being free to be myself was like this great shining star in front of me, and I wanted to hurry up the process and gain it for myself. And now, that star is in my grasp. . .

And it’s not as grandeur as I expected. Growing up comes responsibilities and decisions. . . And I’m not even completely sure if I am satisfied with this GROWN up version of me.

In all honesty, I don't want to grow up. I'm scared shitless of growing up and moving away into a world that doesn't HAVE to love me, that won't pick me up when I fall. But when you have another human being growing inside of you- completely relying on you . . . it gives you a new perspective on things.

You start having to think about what’s best for the baby and not just you.

THAT is the reason why I agreed with the decision to move away from Atlanta- my home-where all my dear friends, family and memories reside.

And that is what I have done. . . Made a grown up decision- and now I shall anticipate the future.