Who would have thought that I would finally retire my days and nights of play where I spun drinking debauchery in the midst of clubbing and bar hopping? Going clubbing/drinking every night was beginning to get old and tiresome. I was beginning to prefer nights with the boyfriend or close friends versus club du jour life- GASP- I never even thought that would be possible! Any new hipster club/bar imaginable- I went and pranced around in VIP and took a gazillion million pictures- because -yeah yeah yeah-I am a photo/video whore du jour.
Drinking and dancing the night away was my way of avoiding stress- the stress of growing up. And it wasn't my fault I could out-drink YOU YOU and YOU. . .its the irish blood in me GAH.
How ironic to think that when I was younger, I just couldn't wait to grow up. I was always wondering if I would be as pretty as my mother when I grow up or independent as my aunt or gangster as my father. . .
I couldn't wait to leave home, to have my next birthday, to finish school. The idea of being free to be myself was like this great shining star in front of me, and I wanted to hurry up the process and gain it for myself. And now, that star is in my grasp. . .
And it’s not as grandeur as I expected. Growing up comes responsibilities and decisions. . . And I’m not even completely sure if I am satisfied with this GROWN up version of me.
In all honesty, I don't want to grow up. I'm scared shitless of growing up and moving away into a world that doesn't HAVE to love me, that won't pick me up when I fall. But when you have another human being growing inside of you- completely relying on you . . . it gives you a new perspective on things.
You start having to think about what’s best for the baby and not just you.
THAT is the reason why I agreed with the decision to move away from Atlanta- my home-where all my dear friends, family and memories reside.
And that is what I have done. . . Made a grown up decision- and now I shall anticipate the future.
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