Sometimes it’s just too overwhelming.
I thought I was adjusting okay but really in all honesty- I’m tired of not knowing where anything is, I’m sick of being stressed out at the thought of being lost, and I’m constantly trying to not let my mom down by trying to fit the image of an obedient and proper daughter in law.
So yeah- I just couldn't keep the cap on the bottle anymore, and the tears ran hotly and uncontrollably down my face. I shuddered a lot and wheezed a little bit, while sniffling back the nasal discharge that always comes with weeping. I'd been feeling downtrodden and depressed all day yesterday up to this morning, and those feelings culminated with a teary outburst the likes of which I haven't experienced since. . ..well my father died- which is something I don’t even like thinking about.
That realization made me cry harder.
I was consoled by S who always supports me in all my crazy ideas I come up as a result of an EMO rage and then the logical lil J who supports me by giving me the most reasonable advice. And for that I’m forever grateful that I am blessed with soul sisters.
I miss my family, I miss my friends and I miss my dog, and yeah like a brat I want to go home. I want a sense of security and the serenity of familiarity.
I'm not asking for much. I'm not even asking for anything at all, since such an asking would require a belief in a deity, which I currently lack.
My adult life thus far has been centered on non-conformity and abnormality, but I crave normalcy now like nothing else I've ever known. Ironic isn’t it?
Must think happy thoughts.
I think I’m allowed a couple of emotional outbursts when I’m pregnant.
4 comments:
aww, b! keep your chin up. you're doing better than ANYONE i know in the situation you're in. you're like a chameleon and you always seem to find a way to blend into your surroundings and make a beautiful home wherever you are. it's a GIFT. and gah, don't ever listen to peajibehs crazy ideas..she is way too hotheaded and insane in the membrane!!! you just gotta think about Dillpickle and what's best for him.
dont ever lose yourself and ur identity trying to mold yourself into the perfect whatever. you are perfect as you! i never met anyone more beautiful inside and out. i really miss you!! i lost my neutralizer / stabilizer in you when you left atl.
anyhoos, i hope the dindin is going well..if u ever decided to go...and buy something nice/cute for yourself with the yongddon!! buy lotsa plants!!!
ok, love you lots and miss you tons....Lil J
I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. But things will work out in the end. They always do. Just keep your chin and heart up. :)
aww spanks XC it was a moment of homesickery if that is even a word.
I'm sorry i've missed out on the past few years :o(, Congrats on the baby thing, I hope it's going well.
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